This is Ken's fault

What FFVII character are you?? Find out here!!! by !!

 
Shall we insert a cliched title here?
Sometime ago while going aroung blog surfing, I came across Cannibal Blues and quoted some of the writer's post in my blog. Today, I discovered that he found my blog. And linked me too, how nice :).

(Yes, I am aware of how many links I have placed in the above paragraph. This is the first time I'm directly linking to a post. All well? Testing. Testing. 123.)

Well, I am pleasantly surprised. Logically, I always knew that if I made my stuff public people will visit it - heck, blog surfing and secretly reading about people's lives is part of my hobby - but I didn't really seriously consider that anyone would really read my stuff and visit my page with the exception of the usual gang of PhYWers. This is a pleasant thing.

However, this also means that I must improve the quality of items in my blog. Note to self: avoid screwing up HTML like you always do.

Which of course, will include this post, which includes the first time I am directly linking to someone else's post. Testing. Testing. 123.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 9:48 AM

 
Today
Yesterday night, lying on my bed, I wondered how my life would have been without the Internet. I know that my life would have been radically different if it were not for the Internet. My world would have been much, much smaller, for one thing. I would live my life with my world beginning and ending in Kuching. My society and friendships would have been formed on the grounds of 'real life' - grounds that I've never quite trusted (I don't care what people say about friendships and relationships being impossible to be formed on the Internet. Like many introspective introverts, the online world allows me to speak my mind clearly without caring too much about one's appearance, and I personally find that people who can't believe that people can form relationships - lasting ones - online are people who are unable to express themselves well online in the first place).

And since it was my involvement on the Internet that radically changed my views of Western society and religion, I believe that I would have been quite the fundamentalist if there was no Internet.

I've certainly gained a lot from it.

But as I lay on my bed, thinking, that for all the gain I got from the Net, there might have been some things that I must have lost (and I'm not just referring to my Panda Eyes, proof that I've been staring at the monitor far too long). I've spent a lot of my time online, talking rubbish and surfing on things that have never really benefited me. If I were to remove the Internet that would mean that a lot of time would have been saved and - and what would I do with all that time in my hands?

I would have written. I would be bored stiff and I would have spent my time writing. I could write entire novels in my childhood - they weren't really that good, a product of an overdose of reading classics, but quantity-wise, they're certainly better than what I have now - and I realised that my skills in writing have slowly deteriorated as I spent more and more time online.

If there had been no Internet, I might have completed several novels by now.

Today, without Tabris and with Bapak's comp inaccessible, I took to writing. Silverfish's writing competition's deadline is looming closer every single day, and I have only one story to submit, and that's the story they rejected in the first place. Well, I didn't have any inspiration at first, and frustration started to visit me for a while, but that frustration eventually led to a certain form of muse, and well, I wrote.

I should dedicate more time of my life away from the computer, away from Microsoft's ugly word processor, and spend more time writing fiction in a good old notebook. No, not a laptop, a real notebook, with single lines and all. Maybe I can make up for the time I lost doing nothing but surfing inane nonsense.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 8:40 AM

 
Saved!
Screw style and proper narration. This is an impromptu entry because I don't have time to write long.

Sick sick! Tabris got sick! Tabris got sick, and I was very upset because much of my work is in Tabris' hard drive, and even though I use Bapak's comp more, Tabris is kind of my baby. Tabris got sick yesterday and Tabris just couldn't start up. Well, today, the technician came over and gave Tabs a little fixing. It was discovered that Tabs' motherboard wasn't running well. I was very upset, because that meant that I had to start redesigning my website from scratch - and a lot of my resources for HTML and Javascript would be flushed out (fyi, my diskette drive can't be used, probably due to dust, and I did not clean it yet).

Well, the technician came up with a brilliant idea - transfer Tabris' hard drive over to Bapak's comp, use it in the place of the CDROM drive as the secondary IDE, and move over my files to Bapak's comp! My work is saved!

So now my work is safe. Bapak's monitor is down, I need a new CPU and motherboard for Tabris (since Tabris' CPu is old and wouldn't work with the new motherboards), the regulator burned again, but as long as my work is safe, and I have access to the Net, I'm happy.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 3:25 AM

 
Brain Someplace Else
During the next few days, don't expect any 500+ word essays to be posted in here. I've decided to keep some of the opinions whirring in my head to myself for the meantime as they're not properly formulated yet. Apart from that, my brain energy and time will be spent on other endeavours, namely, building my website. Building websites are a lot trickier than they look like - heck, I spent nearly an hour just trying to upload a Coming Soon sign.

I've also stayed away from the computer these few days in favour of watching movies. I intend to be pretty well-versed in this art form. The last two movies I watched were I Am Sam and A Beautiful Mind. I might write my personal reviews about them, if I have the time to do so.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 12:08 AM

 
Happy Awal Muharram!
Happy Awal Muharram to any passing Muslim that sees my blog...not that there are any Muslims that'll visit my blog, but hey, Happy Awal Muharram anyway!

On a side note, I'm talking to Vimes on ICQ right now. The conversation goes like this:
Vimes: I wonder why so much fuss is made about Tash on the PhYW...
Me: Because no one can draw her! Also because she keeps on appearing
Vimes: So she does. Pesty, isn't that?
Me: Indeed! Someone has to control her *glares at the father*
Vimes: Whoops...
Me: tsk tsk tsk
Vimes: Am I my daughter's keeper?
Me: ...

  posted by Karcy R. @ 4:51 PM

 
Screw it! Free Internet is Dead!
Sometime ago I made an account at envy.nu in hopes of making a website one day. Well, after a while, envy.nu lost its profits and couldn't stand anymore, and I was glad that I hadn't built a web presence yet. Envy.nu and Virtue.nu merged under one company, a company with an obnoxious name that is oh-so-typical of Internet companies: Zero Catch. Having lost my site (not that there was anything much except a 'Coming Soon' sign) I built a second account. I uploaded another Coming Soon sign (and this time it's a promise that I intend to keep, since I'm already working on the templates of the website layouts), and took a look at it.

Wham. There, right on the top of my sign. A hideous, ugly ad banner that just freakin clashes with my entire web design. I know, it's just a coming soon sign for now. But I want to make main pages, menus, indexes, more subsites, and I want to make nice, nifty layouts with a fixed colour scheme and proper tables. And there's that ugly banner up there, right at the top.

"Screw it!" I said to Envy, and I told them: "I'm moving!"

Take a tip, ZeroCatch - if you want to put ads on a site, make sure that it doesn't clash with the rest of the layout. People don't want to reward annoying ads.

And move I did - I moved to Brinkster, and set up an account there, with my index happily displaying the Coming Soon sign (plug! plug!). The problem with Brinkster is that they don't offer any FTP uploading service, which means that I'm gonna be a blogspotter for a pretty long time, and I intend to have an ever changing layout for every two to three months for my blog - something not possibly done if I keep on blogspotting.

Well, I don't intend to have a listful of archives on the left hand side of this layout that will be longer than my seven entries. After a few months, I intend to acquire a domain name, thus allowing me to have proper FTP.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 8:15 AM

 
Devil Be Egg
Following a link on Rachel's blog, I came across a site that basically allowed me to design my own clown face on an egg, yup, those little heads that Pterry seems to have something against. I gave it little golden devil horns for hair, and completed my egg. If only I knew what the whole egg-designing thing was supposed to be.

What a contradiction of terms, in a very paradoxically metaphorical and theological way.

On a side note, I discovered this blog, and learned a new word that defines the subcultures (ah, I just love the subcultures). The word is conlanger, and it means "someone who makes constructed languages". Very interesting.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 2:00 AM

 
Afghan Online
Here is an interesting website: Afghanistan Online. A nice little treasure trove of Afghan information, from their politics to their culture. Heck, maybe we'd like to forget the politics for a while, and just enjoy its very intriguing culture. Read their parables, look at their traditional clothings, and enjoy Mullah Nasruddin jokes.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 1:24 AM

 
Karcy, the one and only, not quite
I deleted the Evangelion personality test results because it didn't show up in my blog well. Apparently the author's HTML code is wrong someplace. For those curious (not that there are any) I got Asuka. Not a surprise, since she was the character I could relate to the most.

I've just discovered that I wasn't the only Karcy on the planet. Apparently Su Ann, a friend of Ken Yen's, has an old friend named Karcy.

Feh. I just hope no one gets the domain name I'm keeping an eye on. But I must first get a credit card.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 4:21 PM

 
Good bye to something wonderful
For a pretty decent amount of time, World of Britney was one of my favourite sites out there. Now it's not because I loved Britney Spears. As a matter of fact, I pretty much detested her. She was okay as a bubblegum singer, awful as a Madonna wannabe. And since she was so awful, I visited websites about her. You know, when you see that something is so awful that you just enjoy seeing more of it - kind of like my sister visiting Angel Sanctuary sites or people wanting to read more of Battlefield Earth. In Britney fandom, the best website of all was World of Britney. It had everything - all the scoop, all the images, everything a Britney fan (or hater, like me) would want.

Today, I came online, and visited World of Britney after it had been down for ages. I took my time to read the essay by the webmaster.

Now on one hand, I could go all cynical, and say: "Hey, serves you right, you delusional fanatic, it was sooooo obvious from the start that Britney's nothing but a product, she has never spouted out anything intelligent and original to the press, and anyone who wants to end up in posters like her has got to be whored out to the marketing world in the first place. It's your fault you saw something that wasn't there."

But on the other hand, I can't help but feel for this guy. I know how it feels to be a fan, although I have never shown so much devotion to a product - and I know how it feels to be disillusioned. As a fan (or ex-fan, depending on which fandom you're talking about) I know how nice it is to see personalized interest shown by authors to their audience. As for being disillusioned - I used to absolutely adore literature. But things changed, and I realised that this great science of language, philosophy and expression was merely a different kind of entertainment for a different group of people. Note that it doesn't mean that I hate literature now, as a matter of fact, right now it's more of a love-hate relationship, or a love doused by cynicism...but that's an essay for later.

It is not the world's greatest tragedy to see World of Britney shut down due to loss of love. I'd be a fool to say that, especially given the nature of the entry I wrote that dealt with the Sept. 11 incident. But it is sad to see it go.

I'd like to close this entry with this quote from W.o.B:
I'm tired of seeing how fake she has gotten. I'm also 19, 20 in a month, I know EXACTLY the things that 19 year olds do and don't in the year 2002, let's get REAL for a second.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 3:49 AM

 
Screw....
The last entry was as serious as serious could be. So I shall not make this post serious.

...

I'd just like to say I'm as hungry as hungry can be.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 2:17 AM

 
September
Today, I came across two blogs that touch on the September 11 incident. The first one expressed anger at the terrorists, and the second one was written by someone who was related to one of the victims who died that day.

I'm not an American, so it's understood that I don't feel the same amount of sentimentality towards the day that the majority of the Internet community would. And I could say that the posts written by an American and another, more personal one, by a relative of a victim, stirred me to feel more emotion, something that makes me say "You know, it's one thing to see it on the news and another to read a blog by someone who was related to a victim!"

I could say it. Indeed I could, but the fact remains - I don't feel it.

Living on Earth means that you're subject to the politics that make up human society. Politics is governed by people's wishes and wills - wishes and wills based on conscience and personal advantage. Eventually, these politics will clash with one another, and if they clash bad enough, there's war.

Living on Earth means that you're living in a matchbox that's about to ignite into chaos and war at any moment. It was always like that in the past, when kings decided they wanted to be emperors, and it is the same today. Once a group of people decide that they are righteous enough to reach an ends through violence, violence will ensue. In the case of September 11, what the terrorists did were nothing less than acts of war.

And that's how I see it - the crumbling of the WTC, live on TV via CNN, watched in a little hotel room in Kuala Lumpur - is an act of war. And in the same way the rest of the world forgets about the huge bulk of human suffering in war-torn nations and tragedy-laden countries, so did I.

Human beings watch human suffering every day. We see dead people in the news, protests turned bloody, we read of rape cases almost every day in the papers. We've grown numbed to it. We shut one eye to what's really going on in the world. With the exception, perhaps, of the monumental and economic significance of the World Trade Centre, the deaths of the thousands of victims are no greater than the deaths of people who suffer under war, cruel governments, and unstable politics every day.

On my part, I feel the sympathy and kindness that I would offer to any fellow man that was involved in any war. I feel the empathy and prick of conscience that drives me to say "How terrible such things are" and "I wish we could do something to help".

But beyond that, I feel nothing.

I'm sure someone out there reading this would say that I'm cold, particularly if the fellow is an American or was personally affected by the incident. But cold as it may be, that's what life is, that's how things are. We may wish that it was different, but the point reamins that it's not. We can hear of thousands of people dying in an earthquake, flood, or war, and we show no emotion. We're not built to think like a God should, to be able to deal with hurt people when they're not personally attached to us in one way or another.

And if I could cry for every single misery in the world, all my tears in all my life would never be enough.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 1:29 AM

 
Trouble after trouble
I'm using Tabris, my old computer, to access the Net. The newer one got toasted.

The System Unit / CPU's working fine, but the monitor won't switch on. In addition to that, the regulator's burned crisp. Bapak warned us that we were using the computer too much. Now we've got to dish out money to pay for a new regulator and monitor, and we've already ran out of money due to the overheated car repairs. At this rate, I probably won't get enough money to buy me a laptop for campus.

Plus, Tabris' diskette drive is unable to read diskettes. Hopefully it's just a case of dirt getting in the way, but I'm worried.

Somehow things keep going wrong, and it's always connected to me.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 6:39 PM

 
Blog, Ken and Me
I want a girl who tells me,
her favorite color is that
of my eyes.
- from here

I said it sounded pretty. Ken said it sounded egoistic.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 2:47 AM

 
Welcome to Rootless Country
Bananas and coconuts, and some fruit in between.

I can't help but feel that I'm out of touch with Malaysian society. In this country where racial harmony is merely a facade, and society is still divided according to racial prejudices and concepts, I don't belong to any culture. I am a mixed blood who was trained to speak English at home, one side a Sarawakian Bumiputra, another a Chinese. I speak neither native languages. I can't mix well with anyone who comes from the traditional backgrounds of both.

I absolutely detest the clannish and elitist mentality that is stereotypical to the traditional Chinese. I won't call it racist - not yet - but there's a very thin line seperating someone who wears an "Am Chinese And Proud Of It" sticker all over their hearts and the bitch who told my mixed blood friend that "You Dayaks are only good for washing dishes".

I can't conform to the Bumiputra mentality. It's a lot easier for me to fit in it, though. Although I can't understand Iban or Bidayuh, I speak Bahasa Sarawak fine, and I can communicate with them. But communication is only the fringe of mental understanding. For the most part, I feel as if I am on a different plane than my Bumiputra classmates. We read different books, watch different movies, have radically different concepts of society and God, and the way we see the world - heck, even our world itself - is radically different from each other.

Indian culture is pretty much out of my league. So is the Malay culture, although by the obnoxious manner in which local artists and politicians make such a big deal about "the Malay identity" and "Malay issues" you'd think that Malay was the only race in the country.

It would be some form of comfort to think that I belong to the Western, or pseudo-Western society that lives on the fringe of Malaysia and congregate in the Klang Valley. Except to say that I belong to such a society would be both wrong and right, pseudo-Western society being what it is - impermanent, hyped, bohemian and fashionable. There is no real dominant trait in a pseudo-Western society, except perhaps, the glorification of the English language and all things Western-ia, like movies and music. I certainly feel more comfortable around liberal-minded and English speaking Malaysians, if it were not for the fact that there exists an elitist viewpoint among some to scorn all things Malaysian and uphold all things Western.

And if I were to say that I belong to the pseudo-Western group, to a significant number of people it would be the same lines with me having denounced being Malaysian.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 7:42 PM

 
curiosity + vanity
Just for the heck of it:

Jane is cynical, intelligent, and talented (she is a budding artist). Like any good artist, Jane constantly explores the passionate and emotional side of the world. She believes paint-by-number kits are inherently evil.

Sounds okay to me.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 6:37 PM

 
Bloggah
I like surfing and reading blogs. I like reading about bits and snippets of people's lives. I don't care if most of the writing's the worst thing since Java applets. This, to me, is what people claim literature to be, but which literature never is. This is life and people that make life what it is.

It's not pretty, of course. Literature is pretty. Life isn't pretty. Life is redundant, problematic, and boring. It's built out of routine peppered with emotions and thoughts, and the routine is built on the foundations of concepts that build society - moral, religious, political, economical, and the like. Sometimes the elements change, but the rule and cycle remain the same. At the heart of it all, it is routine with a bit of emotion and thought for flavour.

Routine - speaking of it, I have to call Batu Lintang Training College for their overseas scholarship programme. See if it's still alive.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 6:03 PM

 
Right after my very long rant, 'Anime Sux'
Kenshin (smiling): I give up. Another strange one joins our group.

Yahiko: Whadduya mean, "another."

Kaoru: Yeah, the strangest thing around here is you.

I confess. I went to read Rurouni Kenshin because I was freakin' bored online. I confess. I loved this little dialogue.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 6:33 AM

 
Anime Sux
Okay, in truth, it doesn't. But I've come to the point that I am bored sick of anime. I am sick of it. I am so sick and jaded of it that I really don't want to hear anymore talk about dubs, fandom, Toonami, Adult Swim, oh heck, anything anime. No more screaming fangirls after stupid femmie bishounen, no more ridiculous Tenchi copycats, no more mecha that copy either Gundam, Macross, or worse, Evangelion, no more pseudo-pop-philosophy, no more dark futuristic drama, no more cute anime girls...I am SICK of anime.

Yes, I've gotten bored of anime. I've gotten bored of it long ago, but at this point I just want to scream out thanks to the sheer boredom anime has given me.

One of the things that drew me to anime (well, manga, actually) was the fact that it was something different from the usual things I get on TV for cartoons and comics. There was continuity, there was an ending, there were themes that cartoons that I loved didn't dare to touch. I loved cartoons. Heck, I still love cartoons. I love them when they move on screen, I love them when they're still life on paper. Cartoons moved to a different level of aestheticsm moves me. Hence, I loved anime and manga.

But as time went on I discovered that the ground-breaking, rule-bending, and addictive world of anime and manga turned out to be just another set of rules, cliche and hype. By the time I got around to watch Vandread on AXN, I knew that I'm sick of it. Vandread has got to be the single most cliched anime I have ever seen, manipulating conventions as if it was a check list of formulae to please anime fans. And I know I'm not the only anime fan(?) who thinks that way. When you've exhausted surfing the bulk of anime sites, and when you can tell from the thumbnail of an image what sort of story it is, with its characters, style, genre, general plot...well, you know that it's time to move on to fresh ground.

It's come to the point that I'm just utterly sick of the dreck that is passed around. The worst thing is that a significant number of anime fans still praise anime for being groundbreaking and intelligent. I won't deny that it is, in some ways, but it's all relative. People have to realise that what is seen as groundbreaking and intelligent is merely another system of rules breaking another system of rules that you're used to.

I won't deny that there are gems produced every year, many of which I haven't seen. These gems may not be philosophical, but they are creative and inspiring, a sharp contrast to the cliched uninspired dreck that keep getting blasted into my face. And I have to admit, even in the world of dreck and fluff, there are titles that I enjoy - titles like D.N.Angel, for an example (but that's only because of Daisuke, otherwise the whole series can go down the drain). It's just that a vast majority of them bore me to tears.

I've decided to scour for fresh ground. I've discovered that the world of American comics that I've discarded due to the lack of continuity and neverending plot also gave Ghost World. American comics would be a nice change, but living in Kuching, Malaysia, also means that the artsier ones are out of reach. I've turned to webcomics to fill in the blanks. Some are neat, some aren't.

I will still touch on anime themed matters in my online life. Maybe I'll write an anime fanfic. Maybe I'll include some manga sketches for webpage designs. After all, anime has an active fandom and it doesn't have very strict copyright rules (so you won't get into any legal trouble), and I'm very familiar with it. But my love for it is pretty much dying, if it was not dead already.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 4:24 AM

 
literature, 21st century style
All right, so maybe calling it literature is an overstatement. Nevertheless, check out this blog.

It's got a funky way of writing, hasn't it? It's obviously a new and pretty much un-updated blog, but it's got a neat style to its writing, combining colour (art) and text (description) to portray...uh, whatever it is the author is portraying. I ought to experiment with it a bit. Hmm...you never know, it just could be the start of a brand new form of literature!

  posted by Karcy R. @ 3:12 AM

 
Whoah Ken, what happened?
Well Ken, I visited your blog today, and where are all the comments forms? Got spooked by Paul, eh?

Freh. The comments forms are down, and your MIDI is still running like crazy, in the way of my MP3s.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 11:54 PM

 
Glum news
The car broke down. Apparently my joyride the other day took too much out of it. Ma says that I ought to watch my mileage, because the car can't handle long distances anymore. Glum. Should I write a piece on this?

  posted by Karcy R. @ 11:26 PM

 
Bleah
From this article: How To Write A Better Weblog

Have a sense of humor. Everything is funny. Being gay is funny. Being straight is funny. Being American is funny. It’s OK to laugh at things. Making light of serious situations or emotions doesn’t have to be disrespectful or hurtful. And just because something is funny doesn’t mean it has to be light. Example: “When the kidnapper called the blind woman, he told her that she’d never see her son again.” Some of the best humor is heavy.

Being a writer is funny. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Well, I can't do funny. I'm as funny as Tolkien. I'm not funny. I can't write funny. My funny sucks. If you're laughing when you read any of the stuff I've written you're probably laughing at me, not my writings.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 8:17 PM

 
Bewarned! The Walking Talking Red Fortune Cookie cometh!
Due to the lack of inspiration and knowledge of canon for me to write fanfiction, I've decided to re-read the Rurouni Kenshin manga translations.

And you know, now that I'm nineteen, jaded and cynical; I can't help but feel that it's immensely...corny. Its way too idealistic, and argh...that redhead! Will Kenshin please shut up? He sounds like a fortune cookie. Pick him up and watch his next few words: Oh good fellow man, thou must not commit violence, thou should have a patient and cheerful spirit....

Whatever he does, he inspires people around him. Whatever he says, it's all correct. Whenever he preaches morality and moral codes he's always right and people get moved by him. He's getting annoying. Kill him, Kenji.

On the other hand, I'm getting kind of fond of Yahiko. I can't help but feel he's pretty realistic, compared to other people around him (eg. Kenshin). Kaoru's too stupid and Sano is, well, Sano. I was never fond of Megumi.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 7:45 PM

 
Morning at ten, part two
When Mahogany arrived at Hana House, she saw that Sakura was not there. Was Grey still at work? She decided to have a cup of coffee. She could have some sandwiches to add to it too. Altogether, they would cost - no, she must not think about their cost now. Tomorrow, perhaps.

Hana House's little cafeteria, owned by Hana Cherry and managed by his sister, Marion Cherry, was a quaint little place. It opened early in the morning to feed hungry workers looking for a good, wholesome breakfast...

Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Continuity problem. Characterisation problem. Determine whether G.E. is one to stay out so late into the night. What's the cafe's name? Where do these workers come from?

This morning I woke up and looked at my blog. I tried to write a short little fanfic skit. I failed. The result: a scream of frustration sounding like, "My inspiration pool is dry!

Well, right now it looks as if it's filling with just a bit of water. A trickle or so. Just a bit. But at least it's filling.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 6:06 PM

 
Morning at ten
Hey Ken, thanks for linking me!

  posted by Karcy R. @ 5:48 PM

 
Fanfic Frustration, Part Two
I think that the reason why I just can't write fanfiction nowadays is as simple as can be: nothing captures my imagination anymore.

Back when I was an anime fan, anime caught my attention and captured my imagination. What-ifs were formed, death by deconstruction was done in my mind, and I could love and feel for the characters that were constructed within the minds of their authors.

That doesn't happen anymore. No work of fiction is intriguing enough to warrant writing pastiche about it. Oh, I can write a critical literary analysis about it, but I just can't write fanfiction. My current love is Discworld, but I will not attempt to write Discworld fanfiction simply because it is far too difficult to emulate Pterry's writing style. It seems easy to write about Harry Potter, but I don't have the canon in my hands - and it's not even completed yet. I'm not even that interested in Harry Potter.

I need an idea for a fanfic, but nothing's stirring my mind.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 3:44 PM

 
Fanfic Frustration
So here I am, sitting in front of the blog screen, looking at the empty white space. White empty space is waiting for me to type in it. I look at it, and kindly tell it, "Hang on".

One of my other windows is open, depicting the blue layout of the Good Fanfiction Web Ring main page. I sit, and look at it, and decide that I want to write a fanfic. I open up my blog editing page, and suddenly discover that I have no idea what fanfic to write about.

Many years ago I could write any fanfic about any fandom. Now, I'm sitting here, looking at a white screen, and wondering what the heck should I write for a fanfic.

  posted by Karcy R. @ 5:51 AM

 
There is evil
Joyrides, joyrides.

I went on a joyride today. Where did I go? I went to places I've already known. All you need to travel around the entire Kuching is to have a car for one full day. Don't stop. Just drive. You'd cover Kuching.

I drove. I went to the places I've already known. I went to Sarawak Plaza, went to the bookstore (Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter displayed on the tables right at the entrance), went out. Went to the escalator. I saw a young man with no hands and no legs. I went down to the Lower Ground floor to eat at KFC's. I took out the book I bought and read. I ordered too much coleslaw. My Deli Burger came late.

The young man did not leave my thoughts. When I finished my meal, I walked upstairs to see if he was still there. He was not.

I drove to the library. Pustaka Sarawak. The big one. The one that chased me out because I was wearing a short skirt and sleeveless. The one with the glass staircase over a fountain where many people sit. Pervert heaven.

I skimmed over the books. Skimmed over art books. Skimmed over some books that claimed to be able to make you smarter. Skimmed over history books. Skimmed The Rape of Nanking. Skimmed the pictures. Skimmed The Rape of Nanking. Skimmed the pictures.

It was nearing five-thirty, getting dark. I had to go home. I did not feel like going home, not yet anyway. I read a book about marketing over the Internet. Could give some tips about Fewsion.

I went home at about six.

I said before, my brain was a little fizzy from church. There were thoughts after I walked out of church, and one of the thoughts is this: Christian theologists explain the problem of evil's prescence as a price to be paid for the freedom of choice. God gave us the freedom to choose. We chose to do evil. God is wise. Therefore the freedom to choose justifies the presence of evil.

No, it doesn't, I said.

The book I bought was James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.


  posted by Karcy R. @ 2:40 AM